Hello, citizens of the United States of America,
Today is the first day of 2012. We have come far during 2011 and this year holds more promise than any year in our nation's history. On this nationally celebrated holiday, where the final digit on our calendar ticks, where we have a new beginning, where we find ourselves in a new place in time, we know that we have begun it well.
The last moments of 2011 were spent in a celebration of life, friendships, love and the hope of recognizing who we woke up next to. As our heads rebel against balance, our eyes rebel against light, our ears rebel against sound, we know this; that America has stood strong through another night with ourselves.
Georgians have a special reason to celebrate this year in that they may now legally purchase alcohol on Sundays to help curb the desperate state our bodies have awoken in. To repeat the immortal words of Colonel Saul Thigh, "I'll tell you the secret to avoid hangovers. Don't stop drinking." America has never been known to stop drinking.
We find feeling as old as possible when we wake up to be the most satisfactory way to start a new year, along with new furniture to replace what's been damaged, new trash bags to be filled, new excuses and apologies to be made to our hosts.
We have striven in our traditions to pretend like we can dance, to attempt to sing songs both old and new that we do not know the lyrics to, to use kazoo at the only socially accepted time, to make promises we will not keep, to feel better about ourselves because we want to try again.
And that is the truest form of the American Spirit; to want to change, consider changing, and to stay the same.
God bless America and bottoms up.
-President Paul E. Ticks
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