The President Doesn't Exist: A Satire

Hey, guess what, the President doesn't exist. No, he doesn't. What, because they TOLD you there's always been a president in this country means that there is? Of course they say that. That's what they want you to think so they can CONTROL you and take your money. Still don't believe me? Fine. Let me tell you about my grandma.

She was the nicest, sweetest old lady you've eve met. She practically raised me. You know what happened? She got cancer.  I cried for days and days. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have money to take care of her so I had to take out loans. From GOVERNMENT banks no less! So I think this is helping my grandma. And it does for a while. But then I can't pay these loans, see? And grandma's treatment stops working and the insurance stops and I have no one to turn to. Know what I did then? I started writing letters to the President. Lots of letters. I sent letters every day. I asked him for help; money, better doctors. I know it's expensive for that kind of thing BUT HE'S THE PRESIDENT! He helped out all kinds of businesses and people before saying it was "best for the citizens." How hard could it be to help out my grandma? Besides, you know he's loaded. He makes way more money than I'll ever make so I thought there must be something left somewhere for my grandma. I wasn't even asking for me! Surly he could find it in his heart to help. But guess what, after FIFTEEN DAYS of sending letters EVERY DAY I still heard nothing. So I decided to try emails on top of HANDWRITTEN LETTERS. I wrote and wrote and typed and typed and you know what the President did? Nothing. Not ONE THING. I even tried going to the White House to see him, this "all powerful" President you all believe in, and they wouldn't even let me get a look at him, much less state my case. Doesn't he CARE about his citizens? Isn't that what people are always saying? Isn't he supposed to lead the whole wide country? How am I supposed to believe that if I can't even see the guy?!

See, if he existed he would've care about my grandma and me. He would've helped us fix her and gotten me out of debt. That's how I know that there is no President. All those pictures and videos and speeches are all fake. The "President" didn't do anything for me when there was NO WAY he didn't hear me, so don't think for a second he'll do anything for you. He's a lie weak people made up so they could have something to believe in. The country is really run by rich bureaucrats that are just in it for the money. Not one of them gives two dimes about you or me. I finally figured out their whole game. See, I'm not weak. I don't need to follow anybody. I swear on my grandma's grave I don't need a "president." I don't want one. He doesn't exist.