Cruisin'

Hi. My name is a taxi cab that drives you to crazy.
I hope you don't mind me stating confusion
because, after all, I don't have to see anything true.
Sometimes I might even go somewhere,
but progress is leaning back in your seat
and letting the valet pull your bootstraps,
so I try not to get in the way.
Watch me ride coast to coast to couch
to potatoes and whatever stake I can claim.
It'll be a good swim and a bad swallow.
I let others run the meter until I'm long gone.
I never have to stand anything I don't want to.
And if I ever did try to get out, to rip the seat I've worn,
I wouldn't be able to. I can't pay the cost.