I Took My Knife to the Sky

I was glazed up at the night sky and thought. I thought hard. I thought a while. That's when I decided I wanted to fit. It seemed nice; fitting. Sitting silently with all of them, trying to laugh when they did. They weren't as funny as they thought they were. They didn't like me when I stood on something so I sat back down again and let them train me. I tried to get them to look up. I tried a little. Then they helped me look up differently and laughed. They helped shoot me to the stars.

I took my knife to the sky. Not really wanting to, but needing to. I reached so high and I made sure it was placed so firmly in Daddy's back. He has a lot of blood and I think I saw most of it then. I stayed caressing the hilt as He pleaded with me, not for His own sake, but for mine. Yet I simply stood there wrenching the knife from time to time imbedding it a little deeper as He bled. 

"But you see, you can't love me now. See what I've done?" I asked as I patted his shoulder. 

"I've known what you've done, what you would do." He gasped from his blood filling lungs. "My love for you isn't about what you've done, but about what I've done. I love . . . "

I quickly wrenched the knife again and caused his body to crumple further from the sky. 

"But I can't think about that.  You see I have to do this. These people are the only ones that haven't tried to change me to make me fit. They make a spot where I will fit without having to change. Your people . . . I can't be myself around them. They change me to make me fit." 

"I made you for . . ." I jerked the knife again and He fell, smashing his face on a cloud. 

"I can't hear you say that either. Because then you'd be the only person that loves me. Then I would hurt. . . You don't hurt. They said you don't hurt and that your mean. . . even though you. . . No, I'm not gonna think about it." He slipped further and his nose scraped a treetop. "Well, I'm going to leave now. Just know that this isn't what I wanted to happen . . . I still love you, I guess. I just cant think about that."

So I fell back down to fitting. Their smiles didn't seem so bright any more and I think someone sharpened their teeth a bit. They smiled and laughed at me. Or with me. 

I heard a faint wail and the sound of gnashing teeth; like a star weeping. I asked but nobody else had heard it; could hear it. He. . . It didn't stop for a long time. I'm not sure if It ever did. I just got better at not hearing It. It hurt my heart a lot at first. I decided not to think about It. They helped me fill my pockets with candy until I was sick. Sometimes if I'm by myself at night I can hear a very pretty song; like the sun on the other side of earth. That's when I miss Daddy; when I remember Him; when I try to forget with so many flavors; when I cry. But I'm not going to think about that.

Dedicated to David Crigler for submitting this Saturday's Subject. Submit by Friday night each week for me to write about your idea/subject.